A Tribute to Anthony Bourdain

When I first heard about Anthony Bourdain’s death, I didn’t believe it. Then it was all over the internet and news. It must true, he committed suicide. Over and over it was said, “he didn’t seem like the type and here’s the number for the suicide preventions hot line.” I don’t know, it didn’t seem right for a life like his.

“Suicide has no type,” was far as I could articulate my feelings. Then I read this Facebook post by Kimberly Stewart and said, “Yes, that’s it!”

Kim graciously allowed me to share her feelings.

I need friends. So do you.

By Kimberly Stewart

Today, I’ve seen a lot of people who’ve been around me when I am in pain and never asked me about it once post about suicide. To ask those that need help to call a hotline.

For support.

For counseling.

As if a 5 minute call might take care of the pain you aren’t willing to address in a 5 minute person-to-person conversation.

When I was in school and struggling, I asked a teacher, Lloyd, for his advice. The conversation unwound for a while, and ended when he said, “you need friends.”

Huh. Friends. What were those? It had been a long time since the PTSD had isolated me. I couldn’t remember genuinely trusting anyone in my physical location. Even Lloyd. Friends.

Years later in therapy, my therapist said the same thing. “Friends are your support system. Friends do some of what we do here but more messy.”

Friends are hard to make when you are anxious and distrustful. Friends are hard to keep when you are sad. Acquaintances are hard to befriend when you only let them see the smile and nothing else.

The truth is the people in your life that most need help the most are often the ones who let you know the least or the ones who are least likeable when you see their pain. I am not sure anyone is likable when they are in pain.

I get that Anthony Bourdain meant a lot to people. You aren’t going to miss his smell. You aren’t going to remember how he hugged when he really needed one. If you really want to be there for the Anthony Bourdains in your life, then make friends with the people you care about or have a connection with. Make intimate friends with people, because they are kind or fun or like something you like and get to know them closely and deeply.

Because one day they will say, “I hurt. Please help.” And because you are friends, they will say it to you.

And if you’re really their friend, you will want to do more than give them a hotline number to call. You’ll want to listen. All night.

I need friends. So do you.